Complicated Grief

Complicated Grief

  I am haunted by unremitting waves of helplessness that threaten to engulf the futile thread of hope to which I cling – hope that I could somehow ease the pain pulsating through my daughter's veins. She has suffered a loss like no other: the death of her little girl  - a brave, remarkable and stunningly beautiful child who died over six years ago, shortly after her fourth birthday. I silently witness my daughter facing each day without herdaughter, resolutely putting one foot in front of the other as she attends to the needs of her family. Her pain lurks furtively beneath ...
Is This For Real?

Is This For Real?

    Feigning an air of confidence to conceal the raging disquiet inside, I scanned the restaurant and headed for a table near the back, where I could observe him searching for the forty-something woman with whom he had shared a few words on the telephone. He had neither met me nor seen a photograph. The year was 1986, long before the advent of online dating. I had purpose-ly arrived early to give myself time to adopt that elusive veneer of tranquility. The dating game was indeed uncharted territory. Having been only 18 years old when I married my first husband, I was ill ...
A Centenarian Birthday Celebration

A Centenarian Birthday Celebration

Last week I had the distinct privilege of attending a centenarian birthday celebration, as my  remarkable mother-in-law, Rose Gould (see “My Mother-in-law - My Inspiration”) turned 100 years of age.  Since few people reach this milestone, it was a rare opportunity - although, having said that, I might add that my former mother-in-law lived to the age of 103, and her name was also Rose! The celebration was an incredible event – magnificently orchestrated by her granddaughter – my step daughter - Staci Gould, who (aged mid-40's) lives with Rose in a retirement community in order that Rose may continue to live ...
But Nobody Told Me!

But Nobody Told Me!

Telling my adult children about aging feels important to me.  My mother was 84 when she died. She never talked about what it felt like to grow old - the good, the bad and the ugly - so here I am at 67 with no road map, and much of what I have encountered has been unexpected.   Here is some of what I have learned so far: The Challenges 1. I have learned that growing old gracefully is a lofty (and for me unattainable) ideal. How can I possibly embrace the aging process with grace when the image in the ...
Reflections on the Benefits of Blogging

Reflections on the Benefits of Blogging

What Blogging Has Meant to Me By Adele Gould   As 2013 draws to a close, I reflect on the past eight months or so, since the inception of this blog, and wonder why I didn't do this years ago. Looking back I can see that I was intimidated by my lack of knowledge about blogging, and lacked the confidence to learn. To add to that, it felt a little narcissistic to be writing about myself and my life, and expecting people to read it – but I now know that there are people all over the world  - people that I don't ...
But I Love Him!
Posted on August 17, 2013 by Adele Gould
Excuses People Make to Stay in Abusive Relationships " … but I love him!” protests the woman whose husband has been knocking her around for the past three years  … “… but I love him!” wails the wife whose philandering spouse continues to profess his innocence, despite her proof to the contrary … “… but I still love him”  bemoans she whose hubby ...
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A Heart of Gould
Posted on August 11, 2013 by Adele Gould
  I Met My Husband Through a Personal Ad Feigning an air of confidence to conceal the raging disquiet inside, I scanned the restaurant and headed for a table near the back, where I could observe him searching for the 40-something woman with whom he had shared a few words on the telephone. He had neither met me nor seen a photograph. The year ...
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Death of a Grandchild
Posted on August 2, 2013 by Adele Gould
  by Adele Gould Coping with the death of a grandchild – a tragic and excruciatingly painful event – garners very little support for grandparents.  What makes this loss even greater is the helplessness that grandparents feel in being unable to ease the terrible and lifelong heartache experienced by the grieving parents. My beloved granddaughter, Tal Doron (affectionately called Tali) was just four ...
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Aging Gracefully
Posted on by Adele Gould
  Aging with Dignity? Why do I think that aging with dignity is an oxymoron?  Because - with more than a smattering of nostalgia -  I am watching my optimism about aging with dignity slowly but surely drift into oblivion. But wait! Rewind ...   to the 1950s, to my high school days in Johannesburg, South Africa,  when my fellow students and I were assigned ...
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Stuck in Slow Motion
Posted on July 25, 2013 by Adele Gould
Stuck in Slow Motion:  Finding Joy Behind  the Mask of Parkinson's Disease? What is Parkinsons Disease? Parkinsons disease is a degenerative neurological disorder  for which there is currently no cure, and at  this time the progression of the disease cannot be slowed down. At best the symptoms can be managed . I have been living with Parkinsons disease for ten years. What Are the Symptoms ...
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Confessions of a Cat Burglar
Posted on July 15, 2013 by Adele Gould
"My husband said it was him or the cat ...  I miss him sometimes".   Unknown Cat Flushing Toilet?? Is That Possible This is a story about my  'cat flushing toilet'  discovery.  So -  there I was, alone at home, quietly reading the newspaper and minding my own business, when I thought I heard the sound of someone flushing a toilet . ...
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Overcoming Adversity
Posted on July 1, 2013 by Adele Gould
  True Inspirational Stories Give Us Renewed Hope and Optimism Once in a while the unexpected crosses our path. We witness events - true inspirational stories - which elevate us from the ordinary to the extraordinary, touching our souls at the very deepest level. Earlier this week I experienced such an event, filling me with joy and strengthening my belief in the inherent ...
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Senior Blog for My Senior Years
Posted on June 21, 2013 by Adele Gould
  Senior Blog for My Senior Years Welcome to Senior Blog - my new toy!  Two months ago I was an ordinary, 66 year old grandmother with a passion for writing.  I’m still ordinary, I’m still 66 and I’m still a grandmother – but what was a passion for writing has blossomed into a passion for blogging – whatever that means! How Do ...
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I Never Dreamed
Posted on June 16, 2013 by Adele Gould
25th Wedding Anniversary Poem " I Never Dreamed  … " Written October 2011   I never dreamed when I met you that day That my life would be changed in a most profound way Lost and alone -  I knew not where to start For I longed to find someone who’d capture my heart   I never dreamed that in you I would find A person so gentle – so ...
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Our Secret Place
Posted on June 6, 2013 by Adele Gould
  Our Secret Place Written 2011 Four years ago we kissed your lips and whispered our goodbyes Four years since the light was taken from those big brown eyes Surrounded now by photographs that greet me every day To bring to life the moments spent together lost in play   Time propels us forward – so little place for grief Tears are frozen, cries are silent!  Stolen by a ...
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Understanding Deaf Culture
Posted on June 4, 2013 by Adele Gould
My lesson in understanding deaf culture began during an exercise class I attended. Her question took me by surprise:  “How did you know I am deaf?” she asked. We had met an hour earlier in an exercise class, and began to chat while waiting for the instructor.  Mouthing my words carefully, I had strained to understand her speech, having had ...
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A Poem About Loss - Death of My Granddaughter
Posted on June 3, 2013 by Adele Gould
  The Death of My Granddaughter A Poem About Loss "Sometimes I Dream" Written August 2009 Sometimes I dream that I’ll wake up to find That the past two years was a figment of mind My heart skips a beat as I reach for your hand Does anyone out there understand?   Sometimes I dream that life’s still the same That you‘ll still come running when I call out your name So I ...
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