My Husband's Snoring Will Be the Death of Me!
  My Husband  Snores and I Can't  Sleep!  “TURN! OVER!!"  I beg for the third time in half an hour.  My husband snores like a banshee (not that I’ve ever heard one snore …  nor have I ever seen one). This time I leave out the‘PLEEEEZE” "What? Huh?"  he groans from somewhere in dreamland, as he shifts his position slightly. "You're SNORRRING!"  I wail, irritation thinning my voice after my innumerable fruitless attempts to subdue those snoring sounds – the deafening, interminable, deafening roar! I finally succeed. Or so I think.  He momentarily emerges from La-la-Land, lifts his head turtle-style, and mumbles: "No I'm not!" No sooner are the words out of his mouth than he falls asleep again, and off he goes:  first pianissimo, then building to a grand crescendo, as if to say “I’ll GIVE you snoring!!” Exasperated and insulted, I nevertheless respond sweetly:  “If you weren’t snoring, why on earth would I wake you up to turn over?" "Beats me!”  He mutters accusingly, and off he goes again. In sheer desperation I grab my pillow and a blanket, stomp my way to the living room and collapse onto the sofa. Eureka!!!  Blissful silence!  It's cramped, but who cares?  It's quiet!   I position myself carefully so that I don’t once again fall out of this narrow, makeshift bed.  When he wakes up in the morning, fresh as a daisy and full of the joys of spring, he remembers nothing of our little nighttime verbal dispute. Why should he?  He was sleeping all night - I'm the one who spent half the night nudging, cajoling, begging, yelling and poking. yelling and poking. I  have not slept a wink all night (a ...
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I Hate Small Talk!
Why do I hate small talk? I’ll get straight to the point and illustrate  by way of an example. It goes something like this ‘Hello, Ma’am. How are you today?” asks the caller, whose name appears on my call display as “unavailable”.  The hairs at the back of my neck point north as I kick myself for answering, thus defeating the purpose of having call display. How am I? she asks – as if she cares two hoots. Whose bright idea was it to instruct telemarketers to inquire after our well-being? “I’m Fine” I say dismissively, leaving an uncomfortable silence where the  “ … and how are you?”  would normally go.  As she proceeds to recite her telemarketing lines I interrupt with an annoyed “No thank you” and move to replace the receiver … but not before I hear her disembodied voice politely telling me to ‘have a nice day’. How am I?  Have a nice day? When did these phrases seep into our communication with absolute strangers? I’m not good at making small talk. Maybe that’s why I hate it – or is it the other way around?  Either way, it can be a bit of a problem, since it follows us everywhere.  Being out and about in the world requires that we engage in chit-chat with sundry people we encounter along the way   … fleeting exchanges about nothing in particular.  What is Small talk? The definition of small talk says it all:  Small talk involves conversation about matters of unimportance. It is one of society’s ice-breaking techniques ... talk starters ...  fillers of empty pockets of time. And oh! empty pockets of time abound!  ...
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Confessions of a Cat Burglar
"My husband said it was him or the cat ...  I miss him sometimes".   Unknown Cat Flushing Toilet?? Is That Possible This is a story about my  'cat flushing toilet'  discovery.  So -  there I was, alone at home, quietly reading the newspaper and minding my own business, when I thought I heard the sound of someone flushing a toilet . I froze on the spot, terrified. "Can a toilet flush by itself? Is there a stranger in my apartment?"  I wondered, and  "How on earth did anyone get in?" I could see the front door from my chair in the living room, and it was impossible that someone could have come in while I was sitting there, unless perhaps I had dozed off for a minute or two – but I was pretty sure I had not. Trembling, I picked up the phone to call 911, but then replaced the receiver. "Perhaps I drifted off momentarily and woke up in the middle of a dream?" "That must be what happened" I told myself, breathing a sigh of relief, and refocusing my attention on the article I had been reading before I was so rudely interrupted. But just a few minutes later I heard it again. I was NOT imagining it! Wondering where I could hide, I tiptoed stealthily towards the spare bedroom, hiding behind the door, from where I could see into the bathroom. Lo and behold – and with utter disbelief  -  I saw my cat flushing the toilet!! I could hardly believe my eyes and ears, but indeed, with much relief I realized that the mystery prowler was – beyond ...
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